It was a toxic relationship that was full of lies and deceit. One confrontation would lead to another until the justifications became endless. I tried so hard to salvage what was left of us, but such attempts all turned futile.
It was like my world just stopped. I was stuck, too shattered to dig myself out. It seemed like my confidence slowly faded. I asked the Lord for an explanation to somehow help me understand what I was going through because nothing made sense at that time. I could go for days without even praying because I thought He abandoned me.
I chose to stay tough despite the pain that I would feel in my throat whenever I tried not to cry. I told everyone I was coping well, when deep down, I knew I was still hurting. I built walls and burned bridges to safeguard myself.
CALLED BACK HOME
But no matter how far you’ve gone astray, God has a way of calling you back home.
I had a workmate who shared the topics from The Feast, her faith, and how she prays for her dreams. She even let me borrow her book, “How to Find Your One True Love” by Bo Sanchez, which helped me set the negotiable and non-negotiable traits that I want in a partner. It also helped me discover more about myself.
As the days went by, I got more and more curious about The Feast. So when I learned that there’s one near me, I immediately asked my family to accompany me.
I can still remember the day I first attended The Feast. The second I stepped foot on the venue, I knew something good was going to happen.
I was overwhelmed by the songs, by the hands thrown in the air, by the voices of the people whose declarations of faith in God were uncontrollable. I honestly had goosebumps, that in less than five minutes of praise and worship, I was already crying my heart out.
I was ashamed of myself because I rejected His love. I almost gave up on myself because I thought I was beyond repair. But He didn’t, and He even welcomed me back with open arms. He showed me that His love for me is endless, and that He would always want what’s best for me. He reminded me of the things I have, the things I always forget to thank Him for.
After a while, I found myself singing, my hands in the air, praising our Father with no care in the world if I sounded terrible or looked absurd. I asked the Lord for mercy and healing. I realized, no one can make me feel whole except Him.
A GOD OF AMAZING SURPRISES
A year after attending The Feast, I knew I became stronger and better. It gave me a sense of renewal and strength, and a whole new level of faith and love for Him. I learned to forgive myself for all the wrong things I had done in the past and to forgive all the people who hurt me.
I wasn’t expecting anything at all, but I fervently prayed to Him that if I ever fall in love again, I want it to be the last. They say that you attract what you are, so I focused on rebuilding myself. I stayed happy and contented with my life. I wasn’t in a rush anyway.
But our God is full of amazing surprises. I wasn’t looking, but He made someone knock on my door. A man who laid out all his intentions and plans for me. A man who is honest enough to tell me things he shouldn’t tell, so I won’t have to question his integrity. A man who showed me what being faithful is all about. A man who isn’t ashamed of praying in front of me.
The first time I attended The Feast with him, I saw him teary-eyed. I realized that men are fragile, too, but he didn’t mind showing it to me. From then on, we worshiped and prayed together.
He sailed my waves and braved my storms, so he could win my heart. He made me feel the kind of love I only read in books. He showed me that love is more than just a word.
After a few months of dating, he asked my hand in marriage, and we got married two months later.
WORTH THE WAIT
My heart is filled with so much gratitude because God allowed me to heal, learn, and love myself first before I met my husband.
God made me wait, but the wait was all worth it.
In life, we all go through something that will test our faith in God. We might find it hard to understand, but He is always faithful. He weeps with us when we cry and jumps in joy when we are triumphant. If I didn’t experience such pain, I wouldn’t be able to feel His overflowing love for me.
So if you are going through something painful right now, be glad. Because it is true that when God empties your cup, He is about to fill it with wondrous things.