TO THE GIRL WHO NEVER KNEW:

Hi, Besh!!! Never akong nagkaroon ng chance na sabihin sa ‘yo ang mga bagay-bagay eh, kaya dito na lang.

‘Di ko akalaing magiging close tayo. Medyo nai-intimidate nga ako sa ‘yo, pero first time na makita kita, crush na kita. Nung una, parang normal na crush lang. Pero habang tumatagal, nag-iiba eh. Lalo nung mas nakilala pa kita. Sobrang amazing mong tao. Sobrang strong mo sa life. Unti-unti kong na-realize na I was starting to like you even more. Every time na nag-uusap tayo, parang ‘di ko namamalayan ang oras. Masaya ako lagi ‘pag kausap kita. Falling na nga ako sa ‘yo. Pero I rubbed it off dahil alam kong ‘di kita deserve. Sobrang amazing mo, and you have everything a guy could ask for.

Sobrang alangan ako sa ‘yo. I keep on telling myself na ‘di kita deserve. Why settle for someone like me, ‘di ba? Plus natatakot ako. Close na tayo, ayokong mawala lahat ‘yun ‘pag umamin ako. That’s when I decided na hinding-hindi mo malalaman at hinding-hindi ka magkaka-idea about my feelings for you.

I hid it and locked it away. Umabot sa point na pinu-push kita sa iba and full support ako all the way. I even told you na iba ang gusto ko, while all along, it was you. Bilib din ako sa sarili ko na na-hold back ko lahat ng ‘yun. Sobrang takot ako eh. I’d rather have you as a friend than risk the chance of losing you in my life. Madaming pagkakataon na gusto ko nang sabihin ‘yung nararamdaman ko, pero ‘di ko alam kung paano eh.

Magulo rin kasi damdamin ko nung time na ‘yun, so ayokong gumawa ng move. I prayed for it. Pinag-pray kita. I wanted to be sure of what I feel. Nung na-realize kong sigurado na ako sa nararamdaman ko, it was too late.

The day came na may someone ka na.

I’ll be lying ‘pag sinabi kong ‘di ako nasaktan. Pero siyempre, as your beshiewap, I support you all the way. Ang hirap, pero wala rin namang dapat sisihin kasi wala naman akong ginawa. Pero siguro things happen for a reason. May ibang plano siguro si God for me and for you.

Pero alam mo, masaya ako kasi pinatunayan na naman ni God na naririnig Niya ang prayers natin. Nasagot ‘yung pinaka or main thing na pinagdasal ko. Yes, I did pray for you, but not for us to be together. I prayed that I want you to be happy and for all the love you’re giving to the people around you to finally come back to you. I’m happy that you are happy even though that happiness doesn’t include me. No bitterness from me. Just love.

God taught us one very important thing and that is to love unconditionally. I’m still here for you, Beshiewap. I got you always. No matter what happens, you are a blessing in my life that I will always be grateful for. I’m so glad I met you.

See you soon! 

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* Photo by Mark Jopette Bryle Bongolan (used for visual representation only; subject not related to the sharer)

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