July 2016 was not that good for me. During that time, I hit the rock bottom of life. Lahat na yata ng klase ng pain naranasan ko — physical, emotional, financial…
I was hospitalized for three days and three nights. First time in my life na maospital ako nang ganun katagal. Akala ko ‘yun na ‘yung katapusan ko. I cried every night and prayed to God na bigyan pa ako ng chance to live. Sobra ang pain! Makakatulog lang ako kung merong injection ng pain reliever. Hindi makatayo nang walang assistance. Hindi rin makalakad, kailangan pa ng wheelchair. I felt so helpless.
Sunday after lunch, the doctor came. After a series of tests, I was diagnosed with GERD and with findings of a 5 cm cyst in my right ovary. Puwede na ako makalabas sa hospital but needed to see an OB-Gyne. Hindi ko alam ang mararamdaman ko sa mga oras na iyon. Wala pa akong health benefits from the company. I was newly hired that time and on a training pa lang for two weeks. I was hoping na puwede pa akong i-consider ng company.
When we went home ng sister ko, I texted my boyfriend na nakalabas na ako ng hospital. He was happy hearing the good news, and pinalakas niya ang loob ko saying that I could recover fast. He was about to visit the house the following week, and it made me excited. Gusto ko nang gumaling nang mabilis.
FINANCIAL AND EMOTIONAL PAINS
Two days after, I reported for work with my medical credentials. But to my surprise, my supervisor said they couldn’t consider me anymore. I could reapply daw after six months. Sobrang down ko that time, hindi ko ma-explain ang pakiramdam.
When I got home, I called my BF and shared with him what happened. His responses that night was so cold. Then suddenly, he called me by my name, which he had never done before. He said, “Ina, napakabait mo. Napakabuti ng puso mo, hindi kita kayang saktan. Sasakit lang ulo mo sa ‘kin. Hindi pa siguro ako handa. Find another man who deserves your love…”
I thought he was joking. But, oh my! It’s real. He said walang other girl, he just wanted a breakup. I felt so numb, hindi ako makakilos at makapagsalita. The only words that came out of my mouth was, “OKAY, GOD BLESS.” Confused, heartbroken, and blangko sa reason kung bakit at ano’ng mali. Hinintay lang akong makalabas ng hospital. Mixed emotions. I didn’t know if magagalit ako? Iiyak? O sisigaw ba?
Emotionally, financially, and physically drained. I was in the process of healing, nawalan ng trabaho, nawalan ng love life. Tinanong ko ang Diyos, “Bakit ako? Ano’ng kasalanan ko? Bakit sabay-sabay ang hirap na nararanasan ko? Isang buhos talaga???!”
I tried to win back and i-work out pa ‘yung relationship namin ng boyfriend ko. But finally, he confessed the next month na meron na s’yang iba. I was so depressed.
Until I found myself one Sunday attending a Mass at The Feast. Guess what? The series was about WHOLE AGAIN. Saktong-sakto sa struggles ko. The talk was para sa ‘kin talaga. God spoke to me sa mga oras na ‘yun.
I decided to stop ‘yung kahibangan ko and continue with my life.
Nung gumaling na ako totally, I applied again to different companies. Madaming rejections, final interview then hindi nakapasa. Came October, at last I received a call. First answered prayer! May work na ako ulit! At may bonus pa: Sobrang cool ng superiors ko, kasundo ko lahat ng ka-batch ko. We are family at work. Second answered prayer!
Then came the announcement ng Feast Singles for the Love Life Retreat (LLR). Nagpalista ako agad together with my sister. The experience was great! I felt the love overflowing in me. I learned how to love myself, others, and experience the love of God.
After the LLR, I came to realize what real love is:
L-earn O-neself’s V-alue and E-mpower yourself and others.
Natutunan kong mahalin muna ang sarili ko. Because I cannot give what I do not have. Let the love of God overflow, so I can love others more.
Natutunan kong magpatawad. Patawarin unang-una ang sarili ko sa lahat ng shortcomings ko, accept the mistakes I made, and surrender everything to God.
Ten months later, I received a message from my ex-boyfriend.
He was asking forgiveness, and nagsisisi s’ya sa lahat ng nagawa n’ya sa akin. Naghiwalay na sila ng naging girlfriend n’ya. And he was surprised with the responses ko. I was even amazed sa mga reply ko sa kanya, wala nang galit. All positive and motivating ‘yung mga nasabi ko for him. We’re back to being friends. Ito na ‘ata ‘yung sagot sa dasal ko in my reflection sa LLR, na matuto akong magpatawad. Third answered prayer!
As what Doc Didoy Lubaton, MD said, “You will gain in your pain.” Now I know that all of the pains and challenges na na-experience ko ay God’s REDIRECTION to where He wants me to be.
Kung may mga nawala, ‘yun ay para magkaroon ng space for the right people and things in your life.
PAIN led me to God. Kung dati, sa iba ko hinahanap ‘yung love, different relationships na hindi nag-work out, now I know that ONLY God can make me complete. Mas napalalim ko pa ‘yung relationship ko sa Kanya. Another answered prayer! May bonus pa:
I gained a new love of my life: my Light of Jesus Family!
PAIN led me to gratitude. Madaming blessings na ang dumating sa akin, pero hindi ko nakita. I learned to count my blessings. I’m so blessed to have my family and true friends who stay by my side during my downtimes. I have work, mas maliit ang suweldo compared sa dati kong company, pero I feel contented and happy.
And God indeed continues to shower and show His love. ‘Yung organic online shop ko. Maliit na business for now, but very fulfilling dahil sa repeat orders, and sobrang nakakataba ng puso ang mga happy testimonial sa mga product.
PAIN led me to growth. Personally, emotionally, physically. Pati relationship towards others.
Indeed, there’s a gain in every pain. I’m excited for more of God’s surprises.