Pretty, Sexy, Gorgeous sums up to nothing at all but physical attributes ….

I was the high school prom queen.  Back in college, guys were chasing after me left and right. I thought this could be my edge in pursuing my dream – as a woman, a person, a wife and a mother. I became a Flight Attendant in a big airline company. There, I met my husband, also a flight attendant, with whom I had two children. I thought this was the life for me.  After giving birth to my son, Lawrence, and daughter, Nicole, I quit my job and became a housewife and a mother.  It was a role I cherished for a while till my husband left me for another woman.  This did not only hurt my feelings but left me with a wounded pride. The question lingered in my mind with so much pain, “How could he have left me for another woman?”  I am beautiful! And I know I did my best to keep our marriage. But still, he left me.

The pain caused me to rebel about my situation and led to a series of failed relationships. I ended up with two more kids (Tarique and Glenus) by two different men. At first, I did not care at all since I knew men would easily fall for me and I can have them anytime I want. I am beautiful anyway. I have this edge over other women. I was branded for my ways for a time. Other women just hated me. To them, I was a disgrace. I couldn’t care less.

As my children grew up, I became the liberated mom. They were witnesses to my failed relationships. I knew they too suffered with me in the process. When Lawrence and Nicole went to college, the blurry vision of my life became an instant reality when I was diagnosed with Uveitis which left me almost blind. This required me to ingest a steroid, the effects of which were so devastating that I almost died inside. Outside, I was stripped of the beauty I once had, another wound to my pride. Medication cost was unimaginably high that burdened us financially.  Just as I was struggling to get by with my own situation, my son Lawrence also had his own conflicts at that time. He was struggling with the realization he is gay. The shocking truth brought me an insurmountable amount of disappointment for my son.

The difficulty of handling the situation numbed me. I relied on friends for comfort. A friend invited me to attend the Feast. The experience provided a reason for me to accept the things happening in my life.  This gave way for me to love my son even more.  Slowly, I saw a beautiful life unfold before me. My daughter, Nicole, became a Flight Attendant and she made sure I got all the travel perks. My husband, before his passing, made sure we were still provided for financially. My son, Tarique, at his very young age, is now working in the Middle East.

God may have been watching me from above and knew it was my time to see what beautiful really meant.

When youngest son, Glenus, “came out” and openly admitted that he too is gay, disappointment was no longer there. I guess it’s now more of the worries that we, as parents, have that somehow our children will find their own spot in life where they will not regret the decisions and choices they make.

The Feast helped me get through my life’s struggles as I listened to the talks. It helped me welcome the real beauty coming from God. My son Lawrence is a constant companion at the Feast and I hope, soon, we can also serve God.


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